Are You In Love or Lust? Here’s How You Know
True love is often confused with lust. Here’s how to know for sure what your feelings really are.
Moving from “like” to “love” is one of the most important transitions a
couple can make. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the most misunderstood
ones.
Too manycouplesthink that love is the same as lust. This equates love
with the ooey, gooey excitement and breathless anticipation that usually
occurs at the beginning of a relationship.
Unfortunately, defining love this way makes it into a feeling. The down
side of that is that feelings come and go. If you don’t want your love
to wax and wane with your emotions, you probably don’t want to define
love solely as something you feel.
Our culture doesn’t give us a lot of other options for a definition of
true love, though. If it’s not just a feeling, then what else is it?
Love is a Feeling . . . and More
Fortunately, you don’t have to lose the concept of love as a feeling
altogether. Most of the time, when you are experiencing true love, you
will feel positively about your significant other. You may not feel
head-over-heels in love with them, but you will think well of them, want
to be with them and, overall, feel good about being with them.
The difference between true love and defining love as only a feeling,
though, is that true love continues even when you don’t have positive
feelings about your partner. In fact, you can experience true love even
when you’re furious at your partner or when they have just hurt you
deeply.
The thing that causes this difference iscommitment. When you’re truly in
love with another person, you commit to staying with them even when
things are hard. You decide that the person you’re with is a person you
want to continue to be with, and you choose to stay.
Note that there are usually some caveats to this decision. You should,
for instance, not choose to stay with someone who is abusive. Some
people choose not to stay with a partner who cheats on them. Whatever
your caveats, you can build them in to your original decision.
How to Decide
Since committing to love someone is a big decision that will affect all
aspects of your life, it’s not one you want to make quickly or without
some knowledge that the other person will return your commitment and is
someone you want to be with.
Luckily, there are some things you can do that will help you decide
whether or not to commit to a partner you’re in a casual relationship
with. These same things will help build your commitment once you’ve made
it.
First of all, you’ll want to build trust. After all, you don’t want to
commit to someone who isn’t worthy of that decision. Secondly, you’ll
want to get to know your partner well and to let them know you. It will
be easier to commit to someone who knows your quirks and loves you
anyway. Finally, you’ll want to build a strong friendship with your
partner. This friendship will help you hold to your commitment even when
you’re not sure you want to.
